124 How To Train Your Mind To Let Go Of Unhelpful Perfectionism With Self-Compassion

Letting Go of Perfectionism - A Meditation: host Dr. Juna leads listeners through a 5-minute guided meditation focused on self-compassion to help dial back unhelpful perfectionistic tendencies.

An excerpt from the conversation with Elizabeth Pyjov JD and founder of Happiness Sangha, gives instructions on how to make even short meditations a powerful practice.

Do this 5 min self-compassion meditation for a full reset of your mind and body

Self-compassion is crucial for productivity and achievement, without the burnout. Yes, you can reach for more and feel resilient. In fact, self-compassion can help us to learn from mistakes and move forward faster and with less stress.

Self-compassion is key for productivity and achievement without burnout.

Main Discussion Points: -

- The difference between helpful and unhelpful perfectionism

- How self-compassion can help us move on

A step-by-step 5-minute meditation for self-compassion with an excerpt from compassion teacher Elizabeth Pyjov on starting and keeping a meditation practice.

FOR MORE TIPS, LISTEN TO EP #123 WITH JORDANA CONFINO JD, A RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST, YALE LAW SCHOOL GRADUATE, TURNED HIGH PERFORMANCE AND POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY COACH.

THE FOLLOWING IS AN AUTOMATED TRANSCRIPT:

Dr. Juna is a doctor, mom, and host of the MindBodySpace Podcast aiming to help listeners stress less and boost wellness through evidence-based tools like neuroscience and meditation.

What it really comes down to is knowing when to apply perfectionist traits and when to dial it down. (00:00:52)

Research and anecdotal evidence from what Jordana likes to call recovering perfectionists, show that it can really lead to burnout if you don't incorporate self care within your drive to achieve more. (00:01:09)

Because to err is human and we're not perfect, we're going to have perfect moments. (00:02:18)

Dr. Juna: Welcome to the Mindbody Space podcast, where you can stress less and boost your performance and wellness just by listening.

Hi, I'm Dr. Juna, a mom, MD passionate about sharing evidencebased tips and exploring fascinating topics like neuroscience and meditation with experts in education, medicine, and psychology. Your support makes this possible, so share this podcast and subscribe to our newsletter@mindbodyspace.com, in episode, I talked to Giordano Confino about her journey as a perfectionist, and she shared a lot of great tips on how to become more self compassionate.

I thought it would be really useful to do a short meditation that trains our brains to let go of unhelpful perfectionism. Now, again, doing our best at things and trying our best at things, trying to do better and make things better in the world is an awesome component of perfectionism. What it really comes down to is knowing when to apply perfectionist traits and when to dial it down. I know sometimes self compassion sounds like a soft skill, or why do we need that anyway? And a lot of my students talk about being hard on themselves in order to get themselves motivated and to move forward. However, research and anecdotal evidence from what Jordana likes to call recovering perfectionists show that it really leads to burnout if you don't incorporate self care within your drive to achieve more.

Oftentimes I hear from students, well, that's great research and advice, but we don't know how to apply it into our lives. And really, the brain needs repetition. The brain needs quiet focus on what we're trying to change inside our brains. What we're trying to change about our own minds and our behaviors has to come down to really just contemplating and sitting quietly and focusing on that thing that we want to change. It's basically paying attention to a quality about our own minds or something we want to do, and we can use our imaginations to do so. We can also use the power of meditation and focus to do this.

So today we're going to do a five minute sitting meditation on how to dial up that self compassion so that you can better understand when to let go of perfectionism, when to use perfectionism, and to bounce back faster from those times when you can't be perfect. Because to err is human and we're not perfect, we're going to have perfect moments. Those are rare and come a few in between, and we should enjoy those. However, most of the time we learn best by failing, by trying new things, and the faster we can recover from feeling like a failure or feeling like we're not doing as well, the better we can move forward.

Before we start, listen to this brief tip from Elizabeth Pyjov.

This is an excerpt from her conversation with me on episode # 104. She's a compassion teacher, Harvard Law and divinity school graduate, and she's the founder of Happiness, Sangha. I truly think, like, doing five minutes is endlessly better than doing nothing. Doing 15 minutes is better than five. If you can do 30, that's a very strong practice. But just decide what you think you can do. Subtract five minutes and then do that. Decide what you're going to do. Commit to a little bit less, and then do that thing that's less. I love it. And then you can always add on. You can always do a second practice. It doesn't really last, does it? Like, you can't meditate one day and think it's going to last a whole week, or it's just something you kind of do every day, like brushing your teeth. Like, if you exercise once, you'll feel great. But if you exercise five days a week consistently, you'll have a different body. It's the same with meditation. You'll have a different quality of mind if you meditate every day. I feel like every meditation matters. Like, if you only do it once, that matters. That has value. But doing it every day has a lot of value. And there's no wrong meditation, right? Like, if you notice, your mind is busier one day than another. I think it's a great practice to approach with spaciousness and compassion, self compassion, everything that happens. So maybe the mind isn't where you want it to be. You can create a whole lot of drama around that, and that's one path. Or you can treat that as just something that you accept. You accept fully, you're kind to yourself, and then you decide what you want to do.

Meditation:

Okay, so find a quiet place or put on your headphones. The car is always a great spot when you're parked. Definitely don't do this when you're driving. And if you have a pair of sunglasses, that works, too. Or you can just find a quiet space in your home or office just to relax for the next five minutes. So sit comfortably, take a deep breath in, and exhale. On the next exhale, release the muscles in your face, from your forehead, between your eyebrows, rest of your face. And on each exhale, whenever they come for you, just release your face even more. Your forehead, your cheeks, your jaw, lips, even your tongue. On the next exhales whenever that is for you. Let your shoulders, your neck, arms, your whole body relax. Even if it's just a little bit of muscle tension, just release that, noticing the support from your chair, the GRoUnD beneath you. Just let yourself go. Just a few minutes of self care to reenergize you down to the cellular level. Continue with each exhale, releasing just even one more percent of the muscle tension in your body, focusing on your neck, shoulders and down your spine, releasing all, releasing any tension through the bottom of your feet into the floor beneath you. Now bring to mind a time when you didn't do as well as you wished. Perhaps it was an interaction with someone or a performance or an interview that you wish could have gone better. AnD just silently say to yourself, this was stressful. Now remind yourself, just like everyone else, I have felt like I've failed. Just like all human beings feel that feeling of I could have done better. And just silently say to YOURSelf, all people FEel ThIs way. All humans feel this way. I am a HuMAN BeinG. You may bring your hands to your heart or chest if that feels right to you. Now bring to mind someone else who you've seen suffer. This could be somebody you know or don't know. It could even be someone in a story. And just allow some wishes to come for others who are feeling the same way as you. Just say, may you be well, may you be happy, may you have the patience and strength. May you come to know what you can control and what's out of your control. Now bring yourself back. See yourself as you would another human being from the outside in. And just silently say to yourself, may I be well, may I be happy. May I come to know what's in my control and what's out of my controller. Now bring yourself slowly back to the environment you're in, perhaps hearing the sounds, temperature of the space you're in. And now slowly take a deep breath in and exhale. And on your next breath, grow a little taller through the crown of your head, inhaling and still staying tall, exhaling, releasing the neck and shoulders, and on your next breath, whenever that is for you, grow even taller, all the while letting your neck and shoulders release and allowing your face to stay relaxed. Perhaps bring in a small smile to your face and if you haven't already, you can open your eyes. Perhaps take a gentle stretch, inhaling and exhaling. You can do a few neck rolls, whatever you need to do. I hope you enjoyed this short five minute exercise on self compassion and know that just these few minutes have had a physiologic effect on you down to the cellular level. These moments of calm and quiet, and self care can actually act like antioxidants at the cellular level.

So thank you for staying here with me. Come back to this whenever you need to, and I'll see you in the next episode, where we'll talk to Dr. Valerie Cacho. She's a board certified internal medicine, sleep and integrative medicine doctor. She's the founder of Sleephoria and a mom of two. So join me to learn more about simple sleep and whole health practices that you can integrate into your life. To get a good night's sleep, head on over to my YouTube channel, fall asleep easy to drift off and sleep like a baby. Please subscribe and share with a friend, family, anyone who needs to stress less, boost performance, and be happier. And soon enough, you'll be surrounded by Zen people. Until next time, this is Dr. Juna wishing you and your loved ones wellness.

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